Why Your Networking Sucks

Networking doesn’t have to feel like trying to tango upside down in sparkly socks on polished shoes while pink balloons keep popping your confidence

Let’s be honest for a moment: if networking feels exhausting, awkward, and largely pointless for you, it’s probably not because you’re “bad at networking.” It’s because the way you’ve been networking… well, kind of sucks.

It isn't that you suck, it's because the habits you’ve picked up (consciously or not) are working against you. Most corporate networking falls flat for a few predictable reasons. And once you see them, you can't unsee them.

Let’s dig into why your networking hasn’t worked yet — and how you can fix it without turning into that hyper-polished, business-card-flinging caricature you promised yourself you'd never become.

1. You’re Giving Off Desperate Energy

You know that energy you feel when someone joins a conversation and you can immediately sense they want something from you? Now imagine you’ve been that person.

When you approach someone with the intensity of “I really hope this person becomes a valuable contact,” that pressure leaks out in your body language, your tone, your quick lunges into résumé highlights, and the way your eyes flicker with thinly veiled expectation.

This is what people mean by “desperate energy.”It makes others back up — sometimes literally.

Fix it: Treat networking like a long game, not a transaction. Approach people the way you’d approach a stranger at a dinner party: curious, calm, and with zero expectations. People feel the difference instantly.

2. You Approach People With an Ask, Not a Relationship

The second reason your networking falls flat? You treat introductions like a shortcut to a favor. Be honest, don't you?

Even if you don’t say the ask out loud, the vibe is there.

Leaders and seasoned professionals have been doing the corporate dance long enough to sense when someone is coming in hot with a hidden agenda. If all they see is a request waiting to happen, they start building defenses instead of connection.

Fix it: Give them something better to respond to — a shared moment, a thoughtful question, a toast-worthy insight, a surprising observation. Lead with value or genuine interest, not with an ask.

3. You’re Not Actually Curious About the Other Person

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Nothing drains a conversation faster than someone who only cares about what you can do for them.

What makes people stick in your mind is not that they told you about their goals, but that they made you feel interesting, valuable, worth talking to.

Most people think they’re curious, but curiosity is a behavior, not a feeling.

True curiosity sounds like:

• “What led you to pivot into this field?”

• “How do you think the industry is changing?”

• “What do you wish more junior professionals understood sooner?”

Uncurious networking sounds like:

• “Here’s what I’m trying to do…”

• “Do you know anyone at…?”

• “Can you mentor me?”

Fix it: Shift the spotlight. Make the other person the main character for a beat.

An Anecdote: The Confidence Question That Changed Everything

Years ago, I attended a professional event packed with senior leaders — the kind of event where everyone tries to look cooler and more accomplished than they feel inside.

Instead of doing the usual (awkward introduction + forced small talk + vague attempt to impress), I decided to ask every leader the same unexpected question:

“What does confidence mean to you?”

I had no other agenda for the evening other than genuinely knowing what confidence is for these varied group of leaders.

And here’s what happened:

• Every leader lit up when asked the question — they loved talking about themselves in a way that felt meaningful, not surface-level.

• Their answers were wildly different and revealing. It showed me what made each leader tick.

• I learned more from those mini-conversations than I had from any panel, book, or corporate workshop.

• And the best part? They remembered me. Months later, people would say, “You’re the one who asked that confidence question!”

• The conversation stuck because I didn’t try to get anything from them. I was simply curious.

  
  

That one approach changed my relationship with networking forever. Curiosity isn’t a tactic — it’s a presence.

How to Network Without Being That Person

• Drop the Pitch – Lead With Presence

Be where you are, not in your imaginary outcome.

• Ask High-Quality, Non-Generic Questions

Questions that make people reflect stick with them.Think: “What’s something you learned the hard way in your early career?”

• Notice Things

A leader’s comment, a phrasing they use, a hobby they mention — pick up on those threads.

• Make It a Two-Way Conversation

Sometimes the best thing you can contribute is perspective, not self-promotion.

• Don’t Rush the Relationship

The strongest corporate connections aren’t built in minutes — they’re built across impressions.

Your Networking Doesn’t Have to Suck

It stops sucking the moment you stop trying to extract value and start creating connection.

People remember how you made them feel.

They remember the questions you asked. They remember when a conversation with you felt different from the dozens of others they had that day.

Networking isn’t about collecting contacts — it’s about sparking resonance.

And that starts with curiosity, not strategy.